he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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