My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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