I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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