At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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