The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
