Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
