smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
