i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
