Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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