Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
