I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
