I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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