This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
