i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
