Christians are straight up FREAKS
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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