I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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