is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
