I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
