I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize