she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
