the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
