I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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