He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
