marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
