D3 body, D1 cock
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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