well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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