I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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