was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
