Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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