I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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