They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
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