What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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