He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
