i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
