Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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