anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
