rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
