I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
