I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize