I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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