Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize