The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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