You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
