i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
