Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
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he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
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Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i think my cat just said my name.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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