ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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