I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
