Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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