I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
