Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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