i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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