Can i not drive my cunt home
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
