Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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