did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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