if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
