Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my being single is dangerous.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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