apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
