it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
