I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
