the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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