Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
