yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
