i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
