i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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