My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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