you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We left the knife in your bed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
