peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
