They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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