So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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