fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
