I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
