: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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