I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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