The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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